“Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.’”

-John 8:12

I run.

Praying for The Son to bring forth the much deserved death. The Light that will devour The Darkness. Its permanent demise. But such never comes. My burden is inevitable. His pursuit is bound by the natural reality of his existence. An existence that I must come to accept. A reality that will never cease until I find the forever sleep. It is then that The Light that I seek will enshroud my total being. That he will no longer find me.

Until that day, that moment of reckoning, he will remain cast to the ground and bound to my path. Bound to each other, his curse is mine as well. Always following me. Reminding me that he is there at my every turn. I cannot escape. No matter how many times I scream for him to leave me be, he stands in silence. Always there. Always creeping behind in my trodden trails.

“But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. Again, a new commandment I write to you, which thing is true in Him and in you, because the darkness is passing away, and the true light is already shining.”

-The Apostle John

Until that day. Until The Light bathes me, I have to accept that he will always stalk me. It does no good to run towards the dark to hide. For he is The Darkness, conformed to my image. Within this darkness I no longer see him. It is not because I have eluded him. It is not because I have somehow lost his clutch. No. It is because I have entered into his lair. It is there that he grows upon me. I am entombed into his all. Buried alive in his casket. I no longer see him because I become him. He spreads through the room. It is here that he is his most dangerous. I must stay in The Light. Some semblance of it at least. This way I can see him.

I beg for The Light to cut this parasite away from me. To peel away it’s cold grip. But I am cursed to wear it as long as I trod this broken ground. As long as I live with this forsaken flesh. I can only look forward to where I walk. To set my face upon The Son, that he will be cast behind me, out of my sight. But I know that he is there. He is always there. Following my every step. My every move. Repetition in a dangerous cycle becomes me as I turn to face the rising and setting sun, walking in circles of nowhere until the sun sets, and The Darkness swallows the whole of me… again. Growing ever the more vicious at the dimming light through time. Only to spit me out at the break of dawn. At the feet of The Son I find myself in the morning after. Unforgiven begs for the grave. Forgiven begs for Grace.

The day will come when this insanity finds its final victory. It’s final breath as The Light tears me from this, bathing me until my shadow is no more. Until then…

I run.

“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”

-James