“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me? Why are You so far from helping Me, And from the words of My groaning? O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear; And in the night season, and am not silent.”

-David the Psalmist

I cannot hear you my Lord.

I cannot see you my God.

For Distortion is too great.

For Silence has become unbearable.

You tell me Father that You will never leave nor forsake me. That You will uphold me with Your mighty right hand. That You will fellowship with me for eternity. And our time will be sweet. That when the storm comes, You will be as the Sun. Just on the other side of Darkness. Awaiting to see each other again after the clouds have passed. Having Faith.

However, what has become of You? For this storm has lingered far too long. Day and night the winds beat upon me. The deluge threatens to pull me under. To drown my breath. Suffocating. I have grown tired. I have grown weary. I have come undone. I am done. If I have not become as the broken ship, then I soon will be. Yet, as I surface to gasp for the faint air, I hope to see a glimpse of You. A break in the sky. A light permeating the Darkness. But all I can see are the clouds of black. What has become of You?

I struggle to hear Your voice from the other side. From the realm that can dissipate the tempest. But Life has bound me to the depths of the sea. Everytime that I believe that it is Your voice that I hear, my ears become stopped up. Everytime that I believe that Your presence is near, the undertow drags me away. This Life has become greater than I can imagine. Greater than I can bear. I hang on by my last thread of strength to stay alive. Sin this may be, for I should only reach out for Your strength. Yet this I cannot do. For I cannot find You. I cannot hear You. Therefore I must continue on in what was once my strength. Now, my weakness.

Life has become something of a distraction. It has become as audible as the unclaimed station on the AM dial. It has become as the visual of the off air TV station of old. This Static has become the only communication that I have. A one way speech that is lost in the void of nothing. I say “Father?”, but it is all I hear. I question if Forsaken has found me. If I have been left to drift away unto my demise.

“And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

-Deuteronomy 31:8

Is there not The Son of God to stand with me? Is there not The One that brought awe to the eyes of Nebuchadnezzar? Can He cause those that see me to say “Look upon his God to deliver him!”? Or will they shake their heads as they pass me by? Asking “Why does he not listen to his God speak?”.

Father, I boldly approach Your throne in spirit. I implore You to speak. Do not veil it in the wind. For The Static has become greater than anyone could have anticipated. If You are speaking, I cannot hear through the noise. I cannot even hear myself screaming Your name. Man cannot find me to bring about help. I am lost behind this wall of Static. Have I fallen victim to Forsaken? Has Forgotten taken me into its greedy clutches?

“For the Lord loves justice, And does not forsake His saints; They are preserved forever”

-David the Psalmist 

Faith. This is driftwood that keeps me going. A Faith that there will be a break. Somehow. Someday. That I can see the edge of the black sky. That The Light will peel back The Dark as if it was turning the page to start a new chapter. That Your voice will make The Static bow to You in submission. That I can look up again as the violence turns to calm. That I can once again here You speak…

“I am here my child. I never left.”

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each, I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints; other times there was only one.

During the low periods of my life I could see only one set of footprints, so I said, “You promised me, Lord, that you would walk with me always. Why, when I have needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

-Footprints In The Sand